Okay, I don't know why I am doing this, why I am allowing myself to post this stuff, and why I am posting anything because this will be the third post I made today, but I feel I really want to say this stuff, even if I am not sure why I am putting it on here.
I really love kids. I decided last New Years Eve that I wanted to have 6 kids...see I always had said four or five, but then (New Years Eve is my bday) I was on the phone with a certain Elder who was in our ward at that time, and I was saying something about loving kids, because I was baby sitting that night (on my bday, how messed up is that, but I love kids, so I couldn't say no to their mom!) and he asked me how many I wanted to have when I got married, and a big discussion ensued from there in which he was telling me all the reasons I should have 6 kids, and how he thought it was the perfect number and he was going to have 6 of them, and I, that night, decided I wanted 6 kids. I have since then decided that I want 4 boys and 2 girls (Much to the delight of Elder Watt, who is practically my older bro. lol) And that was also the night I finally decide I wasn't going to settle for less than a man who is tottally dedicated to the church and who can take care of me and my six children so I can be a stay at home mom and wife! I know that sounds kind of snobish or whatever, but I really feel it is my calling in life to just be a mother and a wife, full time! Well E. Wren and I were talking that night also about that, and he asked if I wanted to be a stay at home mom, since I love kids so much and since that is what alot of members do, and I told him I could but that is not a big priority, If my husband needed me to work than I would. He then told me that I shouldn't settle for that. I should make sure I don't marry a bum who isn't going to take care of his family, I need to marry someone who is dedicated to letting me stay at home with his kids so I can raise them up to be strong members of the church and take care of our household. I did alot of thinking and alot of talking with him and I did, in my heart, that night, decide that I was not going to settle for anything less than a Preisthood Holder who would marry me in the temple and be a strong, loving, devoted husband and father who would ttake care of his fammily and provide so that I could stay home. Why am I rambling about this? IDK. I just feel like putting it all down right now. I really want a family. I really want my family to be eternal, and I want to live worthy of such a husband and such sacred covenants. I know I don't alwways do the right thing, or make the right decision. I know I do some stupid stuff and there are some things I should be ashamed of, but I feel like my trying isn't enough, my wanting, isn't enough. I read in the Ensign that someone said that to become Christ-like, if you are looking at it just like I need to be like Christ, it can seem like an insurmountable goal, but If you just focus on progressing and becoming alittle better each and everyday, then you WILL be worthy of Exaltation and the Temple and every other wonderful blessing of the fully restored Gosple of Jesus Christ. I am so glad to be a member of the church, even if I may have rushed it, and I wasn't quite ready to become a member when I was baptized I don't think, but I am still so happy for the blessings it brings me and the hope it gives me. The same hope and blessings the scriptures bring me, and believe it or not, early morning seminary too! I am so glad to have it because I recongize the difference it makes in my day and my week when I don't have it, and when I don't feel the spirit in the morning, I am going to try and focus this year on letting go of the outside world and everything that might inhibit me feeling the spirit before I enter seminary in the morning, so that I can be more attentive and learn more, and beable to feel the spirit so I can have that better start to my day....that is the one thing I am actually looking foward to about school this year, and believe me I never thought I would say this, because the beginning of Freshman year I actually didn't want to go, and I didn't at first, but that is a long story, maybe I will tell it another time, but believe me I never thought I would say that, but I am soooo looking foward to starting seminary this year, I really have missed it! lol. Okay I have to go because it is getting reallly late, and I am sorry for rambling, but yea, have a great day everyone, Im gonna go to the DR for my foot tomorrow and hopefully hell tell me I can get off my crutches soon! Yay! See you guys later!