"With consistent practice, faith will become a vibrant, powerful, uplifting, inspiring force in your life." —Elder Richard G. Scott
"Choosing to do what the Lord has defined as right will, in the long run, always lead to the best outcomes."
—Elder Richard G. ScottChoosing the right is always hard, and I am not one who always does that. Infact I am not the kind of person who you would want as a roll modle for your vunerable and impressinoable young women. Infact, mothers warn against daughters befriending me, and mothers tell there sons they can date almost any other YW in our ward but me. But...I endure it. I endure a ward who is tottaly against me, I endure sitting alone in silence filled with all sorts of animosity and hostility. I am trying to be faithful beyond my circumstances. I am trying to do what I know the Lord wants. I know he wants me to continue going to church and seminary, and I will continue to strive to do those things. Why would I want to endure a ward where I don't fit in at all, with people who don't know me and yet already hate me? Because, I know the Church is true. I have faith that I will find a place and that all thease trials and all thease things are for my learning and my benifit and in the end will all lead to something greater. The church is true, the church is perfect, it's people aren't, the people of the church are imperfect members of the same wretched humanity that we are. They are warped by the same ignorance and closemindedness and media brainwashing that we all are, they are just human and they aren't true, The church is right, the people can be wrong. And I don't know how else to say it. It is getting late and all the words and emotions in my head are getting jumbled together in one big uncomprehensable mess!
but I do want to share this, and I would actually apreciate all the feedback and opinions I could get concerning this matter.
I have been going to Relief Sociaty with my mother for a while now because of a bunch of stuff that has happened in YW, with the girls but mostly with the YW president and a few other advisers, but the Bishop has okayed it and everything, so I go. And it isn't a secret that I go to RS it isn't something I brodcast either, but it isn't something I am ashamed of. And so two weeks ago I was sitting there with my mom(I was on crutches at the time, so I couldn't get up and walk out like I strongly desired to, but let me tell you, I was freaking fuming!!!!) and they were talking about ways to sustain your husband, and ways to prepare to sustain your husband if you are single. The sister teaching the lesson is one of those types who because she was a member since she was young and has grown up the church and can trace her geneology to pioneers, and because she got married and sealed to a man at 19 who had 3 kids already and then was pregnant like 9 months later, and all that other stuff, she thinks she is such a better member than the rest of us, and she pretty much seems to think she is perfect and all that jazz, well anyway, she was teaching and she was like "Raise your hand if you are married" and like half of the women in the room raised their hands. Then she asked the single sisters to raise their hands, and the other half, including me, raised there hands. She looked strait into my eyes and said something like "Yes but you sweet sisters are preparing to be married soon, and then of course we have a girl in here who should be in Young Womans, and she is like what a freshman or sohpmore in Highschool, so I bet if she decided to get married anytime soon her mom would have a heart attack" (I am a sophmore thank you...and one thing that was very uncool was that that week she actually had had a small heart attack and she knew it. and it was just ugg.) I WAS SO FETCHING MAD!!!! I didn't know what to do....I wanted to raise my hand again and be like "well, we aren't married but we are living together, does that count?" or just raise my hand and tell her to come to the back of the room and tell me to my face what she thinks of me and then I would definantly let her know what I thought of her....but I restrained myself. I smiled bright and laguhed lightly right along with the rest of the sisters, the few who had the guts to even attempt to pass off the awkwardness with a short quiet laugh that is. I was so upset. I don't know what to do about it. I guess I will just have to endure it like I have to endure other things, but I wonder if there is something more I could do, or some way I should handle things like that in the future???? idk.
I am getting so tired. My mom was in the hospital again, I didn't even know till I came hom and I tried to call my mom at work like I always do every day after school, and she wasn't there and they said she had gotten taken by the paramedics to the ER. I was upset and destraught and all I could think to do was call my friend Nicole, who is like a sister to me, and we finally got things figured out and I got a ride with my Bishop's Wife to the hospital. I am drained and exsausted tho. I was so scared today, nothing else mattered. Now I guess I am going to go read my scriptures and go get ready for bed tho. I guess I will come back to post again later, bye!!!! Have a great rest of the week.